Susan Cain: Quiet

Susan Cain's best seller Quiet (2012) is a book that examines the differences between introverts and extroverts and how they communicate between themselves and with each other. It is easily the best psychology book I have read in the past ten years because it has helped me to better understand myself and the world around me.

Susan Cain is a Princeton and Harvard lawyer who gave up her profession in 2005 to research and write this book. Beyond examining the most important books and research papers available, she has also talked to hundreds, if not thousands, of pertinent people about the subject. She starts by explaining how Carl Jung's Psychological Types (1921) first popularized the terms introvert and extrovert and proceeds to a short test of twenty questions to help you determine what you are. Although no all-purpose definition is available, introverts generally feel right with less outside stimulation, they would rather sip wine with a close friend, solve a crossword puzzle or read a book as opposed to getting a bang from meeting new people, skiing slippery slopes and cranking up the stereo. They work slowly and deliberately, they focus on one task at the time, they dislike conflict and are relatively immune to the lures of wealth and fame. Note here that introvert is not a synonym for hermit, shyness or misanthrope. Extroverts tend to prefer talking to listening, add life to a party, become assertive and dominant and prefer conflict to solitude. I had bypassed many a dinner invitation (in fact dinner itself) for a good book so I knew I was an introvert although the extent surprised me: I scored 95%. It turns out that a third to a half of the human population is made of introverts, so we are hardly a minority!

In today's America, extroverts have become the cultural ideal. This has occurred, Cain claims, because early in the twentieth century industrialization made it necessary and important to sell its goods of production. As a result outer charm, the basic characteristic of good salesmen, became more important than inner virtue, which was the older upheld standard. In terms of character, being attractive, magnetic, dominant and energetic became more important than duty, morals, manners and integrity. It is thus easy to forget that most of the world's great thinkers, people like Einstein, Isaac Newton, WB Yeats, Chopin, Proust, Orwell were introverts. Most researchers agree that our DNA is what determines intro or extro-version and that the human race has survived and progressed because it has both. We are also ultimate prisoners to what we are: we can stretch ourselves and take traits of the other to enhance our survival skills but we cannot become the other. Face it: Bill Gates is never going to be Bill Clinton, no matter how he polishes his social skills, and Bill Clinton can never be Bill Gates, no matter how much time he spends alone with a computer.

Introverts and extroverts think (and process Dopamine) differently. What makes one prosper, many times makes the other suffer and Ms Cain brings in many examples from public occurrences, history and her own experiences to illustrate her points. However what makes this a great book, rather than just a good one, is that it goes far beyond just clearly explaining the basic traits of each personality type to make them easily identifiable. It gives you (time limited) ways to stretch yourself and move into the other's territory to help you realize your goals. It helps you understand and talk with the other side to get along. How do you get along with your friends, your spouse or your children when you see the world differently from them? How can you manage to go beyond understanding and getting along to reconcile your differences? What basic guidelines should you follow to raise your children when their personality type is different from yours and/or theirs is different from their environment? How can you inspire them to unleash their full potential?

It was after reading this book that many previously foggy instances in my life cleared-up. But apart from giving me an explanation and a reason it also gave me a way to respond to make the world a better place. For this reason, I would place this book right next to some other great books I have read such as Wayne Dyer's Your Erroneous Zones (1976), the first two parts of Scott Peck's The Road Less Travelled (1978) and David Lieberman's Instant Analysis (1997).

If you are an introvert, in my opinion, this book is a must!