Love and the Great Illusion

It had never occurred to me until I read it in E.M. Forster's Aspects of the Novel (1927). Novels differ from life in two major ways. First they have a plot, and second, boy and girl always live happily ever after. Think of a novel, in a vague sense, and you can almost always think of a man or a woman who strive to be united, and by the end they mostly succeed and live happily ever after. Think of your own life, generally, and you are left with a very different and a more complex impression. So why is it that love is so prominent in novels (and movies) and why does it last forever?

Humanity is defined by two major instincts: survival and perpetuation. They literally drive us. Take them away and we perish. Today our lives are secure from danger and for most of the adult population, marriage places a barrier on falling in love. We are seemingly in equilibrium but we are not. Survival and the sexual instinct—and the emotions we associate with them: fear and falling in love—are well embedded in our genes. The less they appear in everyday life, the more we desire them. And if we are imaginative and too lazy to bungee jump or start an extramarital affair, we turn to literature (and the movies) to extinguish our desires. And by the same token, an author's mind constantly wonders over fear and falling in love for the same reasons. We all need a love story to fuel our sexual instinct and so the author and his reader meet on the printed page and love becomes prominent in literature.


A novel may provide a diversion to a boring life that will recharge our batteries and satisfy our instincts. But it can't last forever. When we read its last line we want to close the book and go back to our lives. We want a closure. In reality, closure occurs when we die. In fiction, when a novel ends and we close the book we must feel so comfortable about what has happened that we won't wonder what will happen next. One of the most effective means the author can bring this about is by the use of an illusion.

We know, for example, that good doesn't always triumph over evil, but we would like it to. This is one of our illusions. If the author decides to close the novel with the opposite, evil destroying good, the reader will find it disturbing. This will bring about discussion, examination of values, etc. It might be what a particular author wants but the truth of the matter is that the novel hasn't closed effectively. We question what has happened and feel uneasy about it.

Another of our illusions is that money brings happiness. We feel that if we win the sweepstake ticket, we will be happy forever. We know that we won't really. In a few months we will get accustomed to wealth and fall back to our previous emotional state. We have only to talk to people who have a lot of money to discover that they are as unhappy as the rest of us, perhaps more so because they can't dream that money will solve their problems. Once again, if the author decides to end the novel with the protagonists becoming poor (unless this is some sort of poetic justice) he will disturb the reader and the novel will not close effectively.

In real life, 'falling in love' (or romantic love) is a temporary, sex linked erotic experience. It is not real love. Real love develops over time and it's not an erotic experience. We do not want to have sex with our children or our friends even though we love them very deeply. But just as it happens in real love when we 'fall in love' our ego boundaries partially drop and we begin to trust an other person albeit they are virtually a stranger we hardly know. This feeling of trust is in essence identical to the feeling we have in real love and it is nothing more than a trick of nature—the great illusion—that leads us to feel close to our lover and proceed to have children and create a family. Without this illusion, we would have retreated in terror from the realism of marriage and humanity would have perished. But this illusion is temporary. History and our own experience have shown us that sooner or later the ego boundaries snap back and the lovers are left with an ordinary human relationship. Of course a human relationship is not constant. It is as unstable as the two people who compose it, who must now, like jugglers, continuously balance with each other, if they want to sustain it. (If we are ignorant of history and have no experience, we can arrive at the same conclusion by looking at statistics: only 4-6% of long term couples continue to have sexual relations right up to the point where their relationship ends.)

In the first version of my latest novel (Bird of Prey) I kept the two lovers apart at the end because I felt that their characters didn't match enough for them to continue with a relationship. Of the 20 people that read this version about half commented. When I sorted out the comments made, I discovered that the comments mostly complimented each other. For example if someone didn't like chapter one, there was usually someone who loved chapter one. This was a good sign. It showed that the novel was balanced to most tastes. There was one point however that was exceptionally mentioned by almost all who had commented: They wanted the boy and girl to live together happily ever after. Yes, they understood that their characters didn't match, but...

It would be uneasy and disturbing to think that at the end lovers would not satisfy their sexual instinct or end-up juggling to sustain a relationship. My readers, like all readers, wanted to close the book with a smile and get back into their lives. They wanted the illusion of love.

And I gave it to them.


Note: You can find a more thorough examination of illusions, love and friendship in my novel Fantasy Land. See, for example, the idea of 'falling in love' through metaphors (with excerpts from the novel) here:

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